We all have those moments of fear that if we speak, should we speak, we will not be understood-- will not be met with love. There is so much bravery in speaking when your voice feels shaky, or when choosing to stand beside someone who feels alone. Making that choice is hard. And when someone chooses to make it, to stand in their own voice, it is an honor to be present.
And to choose love.
At HWHV, we choose love.
I’ve a thing to tell you.
But it scares me to tell you.
I don’t want to lose this part of my life.
I worry that telling you will cause you to distance yourself even more from me.
I already feel that I've lost a lot of community, simply by no longer being an actual military spouse.
After my divorce, I felt and still feel as though I really shouldn’t still be here.
But everyone’s kept welcoming me, so I’ve stayed.
But this, I don’t know.
So I’m afraid.
And the current mindset in the USA towards Trans people is not encouraging.
And then I realized that I’m not the only one with this.
And I would be doing a disservice to those like me if I continued to hide who I am.
I’ve a responsibility to tell my story.
To actually be fully in public who I am, if I'm able.
No matter the response.
Because I know that when we stand up for our own stories, it gives solidarity to those who can’t speak up yet, it lets them know they are not alone.
Over the last few months, I’ve been slowly changing how I tell my story, because it’s not the safest of things to speak of at this point in time.
And I’ve come to realize that not speaking out loud my reality is not only doing myself a disservice, but also telling others that their own self is not worth speaking of.
So, here’s my truth, my story, the reality of myself:
I’m Trans, genderqueer, to be specific. Neither one nor the other. Happily non binary.
Every time I’ve tried to hide this part of me, it’s damaged myself self worth, my heart, my mental health, everything about me.
I truly hope that this won’t cause me to be pushed out of what I’ve left of military life support.
And I truly fear it will.
But I’m ready and willing to take that risk, so that hopefully these words are seen by someone else who is trapped in the expectations and judgement and fear and know that they are not alone.
We are here, I am here for you.
I see you, and you are not wrong.
My name is Deen, and you are not alone.