Mizpah Coin

1/27/2016

Mizpah Coin

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I stare up at the trees
the stars
the sky
what are you seeing
right now
as I grip your dog tag
and our Mizpah coin
in my hand
If you don't come back
I will refuse to understand
I will beat my fists against those that try to hold me
and then collapse
and breathe
and start to learn to live again
Please
there is nothing I can say
or do
to bring you home to me
but please
I bought your favorite snacks
a new bottle of sriacha
I washed your favorite shirt
and your favorite lounging pants
Please come home
I hate the last picture of us
I need a new one

Love you
Me

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Deen

MY STORY

I never thought I'd end up married, never mind to a military man. It was a whirlwind engagement, and a whirlwind marriage. And, like most whirlwinds, left more than a little bit of a mess behind. Some of it mine, some of it his, a lot of it both of ours. The first time I heard about the Her War, Her Voice facebook page, I wasn't sure what to expect. I don't fit the mold, I don't fit the norm of what people think of when they think military spouse. So I always felt outside and alone. So, I did what I always do. I sat and watched. And watched, and thought about what I was seeing. And learned the power of someone honestly saying to me "You are not alone. I feel that way too." I was lucky enough to be on the very first retreat. Since then, I've worked at each retreat, trying to express to those there the same feeling of belonging, of someone honestly, without judgement, caring for them. No matter what. The friends and family I have gained through Her War, Her Voice have and continue to be some of the dearest I have, and don't care that I can't always express my care and love the way that they do. There's nothing so very much like home to know that someone gets it, and has got your back, no matter what. I won't lie, it's not been easy. It's still not easy. But I know that I've got the support to help me get past all of this, and make it better.

Mizpah Coin

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Deen

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