Fri, 20 Sep 2024 20:14:39 -0700WeeblyThu, 22 Dec 2016 18:25:48 GMThttps://www.herwarhervoice.com/colleen1/baccus-holidays-2016The Holidays are here!  We are deep in the spirit and have celebrated them with joy.  This year is very different for us.  Our family is together.  There’s nothing to plan.  We are here.

Sometimes we are packing our bags to go “home” for the holidays.  I’m trying to pack the perfect outfits, figure out the configuration of the luggage into the back of the minivan.  
The kids are debating what toys they will bring for the car ride as they cram the biggest toys and huge blankets into their bags.  I’m packing mini games to keep them happy.  
People are demanding we spend certain days and certain times with them, which of course, overlaps another family’s request so I’m stuck deciding which family is more important.  Everyone has hurt feelings and no one sees that he and I are the ones stuck with the emotional burden.  
I usually end that evening with a glass of wine and tears. We have a lot of fun, but it does not come without stress and emotions.  When I look back on those years I see the exhaustion.  

Sometimes we are preparing for our soldier to come home from a long deployment.  There is a lot of sweet anticipation.  Everyone is happy for us.  They don’t see the fear, confusion, and fatigue.  We are afraid of the changes. Confused about who we’ve become and who he is.  We are all tired.  He’s tired of being away from us.  I’m tired of being the only adult.  The kids are tired of Daddy’s physical absence and Mom’s mental absence.  
When he arrives, we plan a huge celebration and we are all partially present as we battle our inner wars.  
There are lovely pictures.  
We cram in every event that he missed.  

The outside does not see the exhaustion from reintegration, but we do.

Sometimes we are dreading the marks on the calendar as the day our soldier leaves looms upon us.  He already withdrew from us.  We already started crying.  We go through the motions of celebrating the holidays, but we are essentially robots.  It’s a juxtaposition of emotions-- outward happiness but inward sadness.  

We look back on those holidays and see the gloom that appeared so vibrant.  

This year, though, THIS year we are together.  
He isn’t leaving.  
He didn’t return.  
We aren’t going anywhere.  
We can do things at our easy pace.  It’s odd because I feel like I should be planning and packing and preparing, but there’s nothing to do.  We actually get to enjoy our time together.  I think this is what the holidays are supposed to be.  We are here.  
Together.  

Peace in our home.

]]>Fri, 15 Jul 2016 17:27:39 GMThttps://www.herwarhervoice.com/colleen1/her-war-her-voice-beginnings Colleen is one of the only two team members I've yet to meet in person. 
She's also our "newest" member (well, new being a relative term. She's been part of us for a minute now.)
That doesn't change the fact that she's brought the same level of love, care, devotion, and dedication that Her War, Her Voice has become known for.
Here is her story:

  All of my adult life has been spent being married to a soldier.  In this marriage, I learned about the difference between volunteer and “voluntold,” a colloquial military term describing someone telling you that you will “volunteer” for something.  There are many voluntold positions my soldier and I endured; there are even more volunteer positions.  Military life really is about selfless service.  
    I used to volunteer for the Family Readiness Group, fondly called the FRG.  I would tirelessly point spouses into the right direction for help and assistance.  We would band together during deployments and be the best support available.   While I found a lot of support, as a volunteer, I had to always remain positive in regards to the military and always support their agenda whether or not I really agreed with it.  One day, a friend added me to an online group called Her War Her Voice.  As I peeked around at the posts, I saw how uplifting everyone was.  I ventured out to make my first post.  I was welcomed with love and support.  I could say whatever I wanted, whether it was positive or negative and I was heard.  Seen.  Loved.   It seemed too good to be true.  I stayed in the online forum for several months.  
My friend, and now fellow colleague, Heather, begged me to attend an in-person meeting.  They were on the third Tuesday and everyone knows that is when you shave your calluses.  I couldn’t possibly go.   She asked another month.  I don’t have childcare.  Next month.  It is spaghetti night--can’t go.  The next month--no childcare.  She announced that she already secured a babysitter and that she had supper prepared for the kids.  I would have no other option.  I begrudgingly put on clean clothes and went to my first in-person meeting.  
Shock and awe is my only response to the experience.  It was truly the same confidentiality, integrity, and love that I felt in the online group.  Despite hating the card game because the rules changed which was actually a symbol of how military rules change at each installation, I realized Her War rules of engagement didn’t change.  It was the same in person.  It was the same at Fort Jackson or Fort Riley.  It was the same online.  As the months progressed, I continued to attend in-person meetings.  I fell in love with all of Her War.  The values, rules (or lack thereof), love, the whole thing—the idea that I had a voice and I could share it.  
Finally I became a volunteer, then a team member.  I don’t regret a second of it.  There is a lot of work behind the scenes.  A lot of blood, sweat, and tears go into Her War.  While a lot of factors change, the core values and ideas remain constant.  Her War is a home and a voice for me.  ]]>